Probably the best ‘so, one time…’ story

Okay, so…

Today I remembered a fun ol’ story I’d like to share with y’all. I’m actually laughing right now over it and I haven’t even started telling it… so that’s how crazy and great it is.

Be prepared; buckle up; here we go.

Today’s story (shockingly) doesn’t take place during my childhood, but rather during my high school years. Trust me, though, it wouldn’t be nearly as great if it had happened to me in 3rd grade.

So, anyway, I think it was during Freshman year of high school… and I had math class with some… interesting people, I guess. It all started one day, though, when we got new assigned seats and I was assigned to sit at a table with 3 other individuals: a guy who never talked and focused solely on his work, a girl who I was sort of friends with (we talked a bit and had mutual friends, but we weren’t BFFs or anything), and one talkative guy that that girl happened to have a significant crush on.

You can probably already see where this going.

Well, maybe.

I got pretty tired of sitting at that table pretty quick. Right from the beginning, the girl (we’ll just call her Emma) would talk to her crush (we’ll call him… well, how about Crush?) non-stop. Non-stop. And, at the same time, she would constantly bring me into the conversation, just as like… I don’t know, a wing man or something. I always tried to just do my homework like the other silent kid at our table, but it never really worked. Everybody else at that table was also pretty smart, maybe more so than me, so a lot of the time they would just say ‘well, I can just do all my work when I get home; I don’t need help with it anyway’, or, at least, Emma and Crush would.

Anyway, I was constantly pulled into their conversations, and it got kind of annoying, but I tried to just be nice and talk back at least a little in between times of doing my work. A lot of the time, too, it was just Emma saying something like, ‘oh, Kari, what do you think about Cadillacs? I think they’re pretty nice, but Crush here says they’re really crappy… I don’t know, what do you think?’ That’s just an example, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that would have actually come up in our conversations. They both just kind of argued about dumb things because they had nothing else to talk about, and anyone could tell that it was mostly Emma coming up with the stuff just so she could flirt with Crush.

But, anyway, this lasted a few days… maybe even over a week or so, until this happened…

One Monday morning… or afternoon, I can’t remember when I had that class, Emma starts right off by talking about how much fun she had over the weekend. And, as I was listening to the conversation between her and Crush that I knew I was going to be pulled into, I gathered that they had both been to the same party with a group of people at another girl’s house that very past weekend. And, before you know it, I was getting dragged into responding to their great, amazing stories, just as I predicted I would.

Imagine this.

‘Oh, Kari, guess what happened?’ Emma laughs, a bit too much. ‘Okay, okay, here, I’ll tell you what happened, okay?’ 

Crush laughs, too. 

Oh, this is so funny…

‘Okay, listen… Crush, stop laughing, oh my gosh!’ Emma continues. ‘Okay, so, guess what Crush did? Just guess!’ 

‘Oh, I don’t know… what did he do?’ I ask, my enthusiasm probably sounding very forced.

‘Okay, okay…’ Emma goes on. ‘He…’ She stops to giggle again. ‘Okay, so we had a bonfire out back, right? And then, Crush says he’s gotta pee, right? So, he…’ Laughs, once again. ‘He just zips doen his fly, in front of everybody, and then pees in the bonfire! And I was the only one smart enough to actually look away! Can you believe that?’ 

‘Oh, wow,’ I push a laugh out. 

That’s just the beginning; that’s not even the real story.

‘And guess what else he did?’  Emma laughs, yet again. ‘Tell her, Crush, tell her!’ 

‘Okay,’ Crush picks up for her, also laughing quite hardily. ‘Okay, so they dared me to-‘ 

‘He pooped in the street!’ Emma blurts out.

Um… what???

I just sat there and stared, confused, as Emma ordered him to get out his phone and show me ‘the picture’. And, of course, he had to be sneaky about it, because this was a while ago and cell phones weren’t allowed in class, at least our school at the time, but he got it out and turned it around to show me (get this) an actual picture taken of, I assume, his poop in the road.

Now, granted, the road was surrounded by the woods and no houses were around, so it was in the country and everything, but it was still a nicely paved street, so… I guess there still had been the chance of him getting hit by a car when he was… you know, going, but… like, really, why???

This was a true story, I kid you not, and I remember seeing the picture and just being like… um, wow, yeah, look at that… while forcing a smile and quickly returning to my work.

If anyone wanted to know, though, we got new seats after just a few days after that (thank God), and those two actually ended up in a relationship about a week or two later. It lasted a few months and they were an okay couple, I guess… but he wound up breaking up with her, so take what you will with that.

And… that’s all, folks!

Haha… I really do love telling that story, though.

Let me know if you… have been shown a picture of human fecal matter in the middle of a road before, too!

-iKari !

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