Then I’ll make it better!
Today, I’m just gonna share some quick, cute jokes to spread some laughter and… happiness and stuff, you know?
So, the first one is one I’ve actually known for a while… but I still think it’s worth sharing!
One fine day, a cop actually has to pull over a car on the interstate for driving way under the speed limit. He goes up to the window, then, and sees that the driver is a… very old woman. He tells her, though, “You know you’re only going 19 miles per hour on an interstate?”
The woman says, “Well, yes, the speed limit right there says to only go at 19.” And she points to a sign, ahead, on the side of the road.
The officer looks at the sign and sees that it says “I-19”, the interstate’s name.
“Oh,” he says. “That’s not the speed limit, that’s just the name of the road.”
The woman apologies and realizes her mistake. Before the officer leaves, though, he looks over and sees another elderly woman in the passenger seat with wide eyes and a scared expression, staring at the road ahead. He notices that two other women are sitting in the back seat in a similar manner.
“Are they all okay?” he asks, gesturing to the others.
“Oh, yes,” the driver answers. “They must just still be a little shook up.”
“From what?” the cop questions.
“Well,” the driver goes on. “We just got off of I-95…”
Haha! I’m so good, I know… (even though it’s not really my joke…)
Okay, now I’m just gonna post some shorter ones.
What do you call a bear with no ears?
I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Oh, those were terrible puns, I know… but I like puns, so I got a laugh out of them.
Anyway, here’s some better ones… hopefully, haha.
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes.
Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Playing a game,” the boy replied.
“What is your name?” the officer questioned.
“Mind Your Own Business.”
Furious, the policeman inquired, “Are you looking for trouble?”
The boy replied, “Why, yes.”
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It’s okay. He woke up.
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
Math Teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A drinking problem.”
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”
The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?'”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”
A man went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?”
“Do you have any proof he owes you the money?” asked the lawyer.
“Nope,” replied the man.
“OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you,” said the lawyer.
“But it’s only $500,” replied the man.
“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!”
Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log in.
I hope this was enough entertainment for your day. I tried to find some good, clean jokes on Google… and this is the best I could get under 20 minutes. If you really think they’re terrible, though… well, then you can laugh about how bad they are!
Now that’s a win-win.
Have a fun filled-day!