Strange, new feels

This feels like it’s been the longest week in… not my whole life, but a while. And, just so you know now, this post is going to probably turn into a rant at some point, if not all the points.

Recently, guys, I’ve been feeling it. You know, not that it, but it. What was that quote in my all time favorite film, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, that explained it so well?

Yeah, that one, with the mean reds—the mean reds are horrible!

Just last week, I heard news that one of my old friends had unexpectedly passed away. Someone my age, barely even in our 20s, whom I had known since, probably, 3rd grade. And this is a really new experience for me, as I’ve been lucky enough to never lose someone so young before. And, though we had not seen each other in some time, I had hoped to reconnect soon, since this friend was also interested in my paintings and wanted a custom piece from me of her cats. I think knowing that I did not get to do this special thing for her makes it even harder on me.

I don’t want to get too detailed into that, though, but that’s probably the biggest piece of what’s got me feeling the rough reds. Before that, though, of course, this whole global pandemic had been going on for quite some time… and, I’ve really been wanting to steer clear of talking about that here, too, since I know you all get earfuls of it all the rest of the day, but it’s gotta happen now.

Can I just say that, even though I’m not (hopefully) currently sick or suffering economically, this whole thing is just… hard. More mentally than anything. I mean, I’ve never experienced the feeling of being confined to my house, like, without the option of even leaving, before. You know, I’m fine with staying home, most of the time, but… it’s just this looming feeling of being stuck. Again, a new feeling/experience for me that’s definitely not positive.

Oh, but besides being stuck at home, I’m not actually at my home right now. I’m actually at my brother’s house a ways away from my parents, and I’ve been here since the beginning of March now. I was supposed to only be here 5 weeks while my brother had longer hours at work, you know, to help take care of my nieces after-hours. However, now I’m stuck here indefinitely, since my nieces can’t attend their daycare/school like normal and need me to nanny ’em. At this rate, too, it seems like I won’t be getting back home ’til at least June. And I came here in the depths of their Wisconsin winter, so I only packed sweaters and no shorts!

Ah, yes, I love living out of a suitcase. Well, two suitcases, thank god I brought an extra, because I usually pack light. I guess my future self looked back at my past self and said, “Hon, pack up that extra 3 pairs of pants ’cause you’re gonna need ’em!”, and my past self actually listened for once. I also brought my brand new Juicy Couture suitcase that my parents got me for my birthday (don’t think it was a splurge or anything–50 bucks at T. J. Maxx), and it’s become my new best friend. I named it Gucci Guicy.

Also, this week (and weekend, now, ugh…) is finals week for my classes. Online classes by default (meaning I had already been an online student before the new craze of them hit), thank the lord for that, but it seems like I have more work to do than usual… even though, you know, my professors all said they were going to give less work because of everyone’s stressful circumstances. Stressful, indeed, thanks!

Now, I know this post was a super personal one, and those aren’t always my favorites. But, I feel like I really needed to just get some stuff out there this time. I’ve been feeling a lot of… well, feelings, lately, and I can really only describe it all as, really, the mean reds.

So, someone, please help me get rid of them.


One thought on “Strange, new feels

  1. Pingback: How is everyone? – Kari Lynn M.

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