ALRIGHT, SO… here we go again.

(I couldn’t resist using that GIF… you just gotta love Kevan Hart.)

Seriously, though, I’ve encountered another ‘Wattpad fad’ (I should coin that term at this point), and this time, surprisingly, it’s not about the bandwaggon stories I keep running into. This time… it’s about the bandwaggon people.

Okay, so I’m always trying follow different people and make new friends on the site, right? And I always find new follows through mutual follows, mutual follows of mutual follows, mutual follows of mutual follows of mutual follows… ect. Basically, when I come across someone’s profile, I scan it for a few things before deciding to give it one of my preciously limited 1,000 follows (the follow limit is a rant for another time): 1. a readable bio that doesn’t scare me away, 2. activity on the account within the last 3-4 days, and 3. a following to follower ratio that isn’t obsurdly skewed. Lately, though, I’ve been encountering this… new ‘race’, I guess, of Wattpad profiles.

I’ve been finding billions of “celebrity” profiles.

I know… random, right? And I know I’d like to at least sort of be able to believe that they’re real… but, based on how each of the profiles look, they’re 93% likely to be faked.

There’s a trend to the types of ‘celebrities’ I’m finding, though. Like, they’re always teenaged girls. And they’re always ‘low-key’ celebrities, too… as in, kind of celebrities but not really that famous of celebrities. If you’re curious, though (which I bet you are now), the latest ones I’ve found are one of a disney channel star (I honestly can’t remember her name because I had no clue who she was until I read her profile… I mean “her” profile…), and all of the girls from the show Dance Moms. And, like I said, I’d like to belive that they’re real profiles… but, given the content on each of them, the odds of being authentic seem really slim.

Well… why, Kari?

I’ll tell you why; for one, the follower counts are really, really low. Less than 100 on each. Like… okay, if you were a celebrity that just started a new account on whatever platform, wouldn’t you think to tweet about it or post something on Facebook, where you have a lot of followers that would be interested in looking at your profile and following you there or something? Unless you’re trying to keep it a secret, which none of these accounts clearly were, since the entire bio on each was only about, ‘oh, look at me! I’m a well known celebrity star and this is my offical Wattpad account!’ Secondly… okay, at least with the Dance Mom girls’ accounts… I saw that a few of them posted on each other’s pages, and their writing and grammar was just… ick. Like, I kind of hope a girl of that age would know how to use proper English by that certain point in her life, especially if she’s well known and exposed to the public all the time. Third… well, I searched a few of their names and about a billion identical sites claiming to be whoever it was were all over the place. Yeah, that really brings the realness ratings down.

Maybe I could give some of them the benefit of the doubt, though. It is slightly possible that any of them could be a true celebrity profile, after all. If that would be the case, then, though… I’d have to rant about this.

A celebrity walks into a cafe full of Wattpad readers and writers. The barista stops mixing my chai latte and stares in wonder. “Look, it’s really her!” he yells. Every reader flees the writer he/she is conversing with and runs to the celebrity, who then smiles and asks, “Anybody want to read my book?” About a million hands fly up, into the air, as I turn to her and scrunch up my nose. I shake my head, and then whisper, “Get in line.”

Yeah, picture that.

If a celebrity actually comes to Wattpad to write stories, poems, or whatever (which every account I’ve run into was beginning to take a shot at something), then they’re bound to get a billion reads and votes and positive comments regardless of how good or bad their written work is… while me and the rest of the writers struggling to get recognition for work that we’ve put so much effort into get pushed out of the way. Yeah, I’m not okay with that.

And, just so you know, I have yet to find any quality-written work on any of these profiles.

…ugh.

Okay, I’m done for now. Let me know if you think my rant is justified, unjust, or just spot-on. Or, if you’ve run into any of these profiles, too, because I’d like to know.

‘Til my next rant.

-iKari