Oh, yeah, it’s just about time!
My publishing day for my sophomore book is TOMORROW!!!
So, here to help us countdown, I have… (drum roll)… my official book cover!
Revealed right here.
It’s great, right?
And, also, I have a SNIPPET of the book itself to introduce to y’all!
And, so, here is a quick look at the inside of the ebook, What Now, Emma Lenford?, in a scene where our hilarious main character, Emma, is babysitting an eight year old neighbor named Briana Bodenhigger…
[…] Bri came rushing in with a large, thin white and pink game board box.
“My mom made this game,” she proclaimed as she slammed the box down on the carpet by the coffee table, snatched up the television remote, and, thankfully, turned the TV off. “And she tried to sell it to her company-business…” She paused to plop down and cross her legs in front of the box as I stepped around to the other side. “But they told her they didn’t like it, and then they fired her.”
I raised my eyebrows as I sat down across from Bri and read the title on top of the box.
‘The Real Lil’ Housewives.’
“And they, um,” I began, glancing up at Bri. “Fired your mom for this game?”
“Well,” Bri started back. “She said she just got ‘laid-off’, but my friend Hannah told me that’s just the nice way of saying fired.”
I nodded as she reached to take the top of the box off.
“You’ve got smart friends,” I commented.
“Yeah,” Bri remarked as she threw the box lid over her shoulder and yanked the folded pink game board from inside the container left behind. “So, which lady do you wanna be?”
She laid the board down next to the box, and I observed the hand-painted palm trees and sunset scenes that surrounded the circular board walking spaces all over it before responding.
“Well, just whoever looks like me, I guess,” I said, turning to look down into the box full of square, pink cards and little punch-out pictures of women’s full body shots. “Or NeNe Leakes, if that’s even an option.”
“Oh, here,” Bri shot out as she snatched up one of the little cutouts and handed it over to me. I took it as she shoved up to my nose, and then brought it out a bit to see that it was, in fact, actually a little cardboard cutout of Oprah Winfrey in a red dress and black pumps.
“Um, Bri,” I started. “This is Oprah.”
“No it’s not,” she objected, and then reached out to flip the little cutout over in my hands. “Look.”
I stared at the back of the piece of cardboard and read the hand-scribbled title ‘housewife #3 NeNe’ engraved on it.
I looked back up at Bri as she leaned back and returned to organizing the cards in the box placed between us, then silently nodded and dropped my hand to my lap.
But there’s no denying it was definitely Oprah.
Bri rummaged through the contents of the box a little more, and then pulled out a miniature cutout of her own. I read the back of it, which said ‘housewife #1 Bethenny Frankel’, and then scanned the frontside of it after she picked up a white standing clip, slipped it onto the bottom of the cardboard, and flipped it around to set down on the game board.
It was a cutout of Kristen Stewart actually holding a copy of the novel she famously helped make into a million-dollar franchise film, Twilight.
I blew out a tiny breath and turned back to look at Bri as she held a white clip out to me. I took it, quietly placed it on the bottom of my own Oprah cutout, and then stood my character on the board next to hers, right below the circle that had ‘START’ scribbled into it with sharpie.
“Oldest player reads first,” Bri declared, picking up one solitary pink card to hand over to me. “All you do is read it and let me answer, and then tell me what it says to do.”
“Okay,” I agreed, now taking the card and flipping it to the non-blank side, where a very lengthy question and set of five A-B-C style answers were typed. “Wow…”
I raised my eyebrows as I looked the card over a second more, and then cleared my throat to begin reading what it said.
“Kate has just come to you saying that Laurie told Crissy and Megan that you told her that you think your husband’s having an affair with Trina, but Trina came to you yesterday saying that she has a really great sex life with her own husband and that you shouldn’t worry about her, but Kate has been acting really weird at your tea parties lately and now you think she might just be telling you that to get on your good side when she’s really the one doing your husband, and Laurie just told you last weekend that Megan was cheating on her own husband with Crissy’s husband, so she could be trying to do the same thing. Now who do you trust? Who are you sure isn’t banging your husband in her spare time?”
I took a deep breath and flickered my eyes from the card, to an extremely engaged Bri, back to the card.
“A: Kate, B: Laurie, C: Crissy, D: Megan, or E: Trina.”
I stopped my eyes at the bottom of the card, where the final instructions awaited, as Bri answered.
“Um…” she began, very thoughtfully. “I’d probably trust… Megan. Am I right?”
I kept my eyes down on the card, and then read on.
“No matter your answer, your husband is a filthy, dirty scumbag and is actually cheating on you with every other girl on the block, so move back three spaces.”
“Awe,” Bri whined as I glanced up at her and tossed the card down to the floor. “But I’m already at the start!”
“Well, then you had nothing to lose, I guess,” I said.
“Okay…” she went on, now picking up a new card from the box. “Your turn, now…”
I pursed my lips and leaned back as she started to read it.
“Everyone knows Sandy is a nasty, two-faced slut and that she needs to be put in her place. Do you want to tell her this to her face, tell it to someone else, or just do nothing about it?”
I answered after she glanced back up at me.
“I’ll tell her to her face,” I stated.
Bri looked back down and studied the bottom of the card for a second.
“If you said ‘tell her to both of her nasty whore faces’, then congrats! You managed to get in a fist fight with her on the patio and broke one of her noses, move forward five places!”
I stared at Bri as she excitedly threw the card over her shoulder and gazed back at me.
“Um, okay,” I muttered out, now reaching out to moved my mini Oprah figure up five bubbles.
“Your mom really made this game for her… company, though?” I questioned as I leaned back once more. “What is her… job, exactly?”
“Was,” Bri immediately corrected. “She was someone who designed new toys and stuff. But now she just works at the bank.”
I paused for a second.
“During a second shift… on a Sunday?” I inquired, squinting at her a bit.
Bri shrugged, and then returned her attention to the paper-filled box on the floor.
“Okay,” I whispered, raising my eyebrows a tad.
I won’t judge or jump to conclusions, though.
“Here,” Bri ordered, handing me another pink card. “My turn!”
I looked down at the small, bold print font on the front of the paper, and then proceeded to read it.
“Angela thinks that you’re illiterate and is spreading rumors that you dropped out of school after 4th grade to Hillary and Autumn. Prove to her that you’re not by spelling the word acid aloud.”
I tilted my head to the side and looked back up at Bri, who was intently leaning inward.
“That’s easy enough, right?” I commented.
Bri delayed herself with a few blinks before nodding.
“Yeah,” she said, now leaning back a bit and glancing to the side. “Okay…”
She paused for a long moment, so I decided to pipe up once more.
“I mean,” I started. “You can just sound it out. And… here, I’ll give you a hint- it starts with a.”
“Okay,” she said, now looking back at me and lowering her brows in deep focus. “A…” She paused, again. “S… S… E… D!”
I cocked my head to the other side.
“You know… good… good job, Bri…” I began before looking back to the card. “You… spelled it right! Move ahead two spaces!”
“Yay!” Bri shouted, throwing her arms over her head. “My mom always says you can’t always trust autocorrect, so she teaches me how to do spelling myself… and now I’m so good at it!”
I smiled at her as I threw the card over my right shoulder.
“Yeah?” I enthused back. “Well, you sure are!”
Bri moved her character two bubbles forward, and then turned back to me with a new card.
“Okay, so…” she started before focusing her attention onto it. “Now… you have two daughters, and one of them is friends with a snobby bitch named Vivienne.” She stopped to look up at me. “Oh my gosh- I have a friend named that!”
I raised my brows at her.
“Oh, you… do, huh?” I skepticized.
“Yeah!” Bri exclaimed. “Only, she’s not a snobby bitch. She’s really nice. Anyway…” She looked back down at front of the card. “Vivienne tried to steal your daughter’s favorite Nintendogs video game…” She stopped again to glance up at me. “My friend Vivienne tried to do that to me once! Isn’t that so weird?”
I raised my relaxed eyebrows once more, and then nodded my head slightly.
“Yeah, that’s… really weird…” I mumbled.
“Only, my Vivienne gave it back to me a few months later and told me she was just borrowing it for a bit,” Bri stated, and then both shrugged and returned her eyes to the card. “She tried to steal your daughter’s favorite Nintendogs video game a few months ago, but she eventually got it back and didn’t see how Vivienne was only setting her up so she should could steal more of her video games later on. Now, your daughter wants to invite Vivienne to her upcoming slumber party, but you think that it could be a bad idea. Do you A: tell your daughter that Vivienne is snotty bitch-face and that she’s not allowed to come, B: let Vivienne come to the party but watch closely over her the whole time, or C: just let Vivienne come and do whatever the hell she wants?”
I stared at Bri as she looked up at me.
“Well…” I started. “What would your mom do?”
Bri pursed her lips and cocked her head to one side.
“Hm…” she contemplated. “Well, my mom usually doesn’t let me have parties, so…” She shrugged, again. “I don’t really know.”
“Well, then… I’ll pick C, I guess,” I said.
Bri looked down to read the rest of the card.
“It doesn’t matter which answer you pick; they’re all wrong. You’re daughter isn’t allowed to have slumber parties! Move back one space.”
“Ah,” I muttered, right before twisting toward the board and moving my piece back a bubble. “Should have seen that one coming…”
This is one of my favorite scenes of the book, and, if you enjoyed it (and I really hope you did), be assured that you can download a free copy of the entire story for yourself tomorrow!
Come back in about 24 hours to help me celebrate my new release some more!
Thanks for reading!